I have been head first in my content edits for IN TOO DEEP and barely come up to breathe during the day. Seriously, the last of my kids get on the bus at 8:30 and that's typically when I've been plopping down in front of my lap top. The other day I got up two times to pee and that was it until 4:00.
I have to say, this is an awesome experience! Even better than I imagined over the last seven years of trying to break into this business. I am really hoping the gals at Sapphire Star Publishing will keep me around because I am in Heaven!
So, my belly is full of breakfast, I have showered (which usually takes a back seat to Gracie and Noah) and I have been listening to music since before I left my bed this morning. So, it's time to get to work. I love my commute. :) But since it has been more than a couple days since I last posted, I thought I would give you a SNEAK PEEK to hold you over while I am busy today fishing more of this story from my brain.
Pulled from the middle of...IN TOO DEEP
The water lapped up further onto my legs and the strong undertow pulled me toward the waves. I knew if I gave up now I would be swallowed by a wave that would roll me more violently than the first. I couldn’t let the ocean take me. I dug my fingers into the sand and pulled against the current. I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to make it but I wasn’t going to die without trying my hardest to pull myself away from the depths that had a hold on me before. I reached out for the one thing I knew could save me at that moment…
“Gracie. Are you okay? Please, say something!” Jake’s voice was sleepy and panicked. I knew he would see my number on his phone just in case I couldn’t speak. My mouth was trying to hold in the sobs while my brain formed the words.
“I…I…” I couldn’t. I didn’t even know where to start. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to admit to being so stupid and thinking that ringing in this special birthday with Noah would be anything but painful.
“You’re scaring me. Please just say something. Tell me what’s wrong.”
I spent the next hour vomiting all of the night’s hell to Jake. Most of the time he was the quiet listener, but I could hear the vile anger in his voice when he did speak. Jake’s anger didn’t scare me like Noah’s did. I wasn’t afraid of losing Jake, I knew I couldn’t. There was nothing I could do that would cause him to walk away. Having someone like that in my life was the only thing holding me together.
“I am so sorry, baby girl. I wish I was there to hold you so you could get some sleep.”
“Me, too.” That’s when I realized this was what he meant when he said he would take me however he could have me. He told me he was in love with me, and now I was once again detailing the further breaking of my heart by his former roommate. He was putting his own heart second because I was sure it was killing him to hear all the details of my night if he truly did love me. He was putting me first. He would be my friend first, even if I couldn’t love him back. I had no words for the kind of selflessness I didn’t know existed before Jake.
When I realized how my pain over Noah must be hurting him, I decided to stop. I needed to turn it off and make sure he was okay before we hung up. I shouldn’t have called him. Now my heart was breaking for the two most important guys in my life. One because he hurt me and one because I may be hurting him. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Sleep. I just needed to sleep.
“Are you sure you’re okay? I can stay on the phone with you as long as you need me to.”
“No, Jake. You’ve already done so much. I can’t thank you enough for what you do for my heart.”
“I love you. You’re my best friend. I am always here for you. You know that.”
“I know. Thank you.”
“No thanks necessary. That’s what friends do.” He was assuring me that his ‘I love you’ was intended to be friendly and not guilt inducing. How could I tell him how much I loved him without having to qualify it as ‘just as friends?’
“I love our friendship, Jake, I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“Well, the feeling is mutual.”
I wasn’t sure how I landed such a beautiful friend. But his unconditional friendship was stunning. I wasn’t sure if I could ever reciprocate what he gave me but I would die trying if he ever needed me the way I needed him. But he’d never be as stupid as I had been.
“Go to sleep, sweet girl. You need to get some rest.”
SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!! I can't wait for you to know what comes before AND after this scene!