I've been a storyteller literally all my life and I've never been a very secretive person so, in 2007, when I discovered Mommy Blogging and saw how many hits and followers you get when you air your dirty laundry and Mommy chaos, I knew I'd found my gig.
Now, seven years later, I'm a published author and just because I wanted to do something a little different, I thought periodically I would share one of those stories with you.
So, here's a story from 2007, my kiddos were 10, 9 & 2.
Here's the story I like to call...
Why Stay At Home Moms are Constipated
I hope you enjoyed the story - look for more to come...and, no worries, they're not all TMI topics!
LOL!
Peace.
Now, seven years later, I'm a published author and just because I wanted to do something a little different, I thought periodically I would share one of those stories with you.
So, here's a story from 2007, my kiddos were 10, 9 & 2.
Here's the story I like to call...
Why Stay At Home Moms are Constipated
(minor-TMI alert)
I get everyone onto the
bus and coax my little man back inside with the promise of a lollipop so I can
relieve the "urge" that is looming in my gut. Now, you must know that
our other two had a strict rule to live by, "NO sugar until after
lunch!" When the third came along - yeah, not so strict anymore - I just
jump on whatever ploy works that day.
"Want some
candy?"
"Then, please get
off the dining room table."
"Want a donut?"
"You'll need to stop
playing in the potty and wash your hands, then!"
He's onto me!
He's onto me!
If I'd have had a bowl of
sugar in my small powder room I would have given him a spoon just so I could
have relieved myself in peace. But I wasn't thinking ahead I guess.
I briskly entered the
throne room with a chubby little hand in mine, shut the door and took my seat
as Queen of...(I'll spare you!) With that, I was apparently awarded a Jester
and JEST he did!
He is a small 2 year old
but he felt big as he lurched his body across the room, planted his hands on
the lip of the pedestal sink, threw his feet to the pedestal and lifted. His
little body became the shape of a "less-than" sign. He was eye to eye
with me. He looked at me, giggled and jumped down.
Funny how nothing goes
unnoticed when you are 32" tall. He headed right for the small stack of
toilet paper in the corner. He and I began a sweet game of
catch with one of the rolls. Fifteen years ago, I would never have imagined
myself in the toilet-seat-shot-put Olympics. But, who does? I was just hoping
to read something, anything in any one of the many untouched magazines in the
bin by my feet.
Bored with catch he makes
it his mission to build the Leaning Tower of TP.
What a kick he gets out of himself when he makes it as tall as he is. I smile.
How cute. But three seconds later I have become the center of a nuclear attack
as there are toilet paper rolls bludgeoning me from all sides! What is it about
stacks and piles that make toddlers evolve into SUPER DESTRUCTO MAN?! Another Mom-phenomenon that we
will never figure out.
The dog pushes the door,
that I thought was shut, open a bit ad tries to come in. I fling my body to the
door and shut it. I have all the stimulation I need right now as my body has
not relaxed enough to make this trip a DONE DEAL, yet.
And with that minor
distraction, my son has decided to switch careers. SUPER DESTRUCTO MAN is now Kareem Abdul Juicebox as he makes a slam dunk with a roll of TP into
the pedestal sink. Funny, I never saw that parallel...the powder room sink does
look a bit like a basketball net. Huh.
After the huge bulk pack
of toilet paper is dumped on the floor and he begins fishing in the trashcan
and lunging for the toilet brush I decide...it is time to abort this mission.
We walk out together only
to find that the dog has completely macerated the roll she must have grabbed when
she tried to interrupt only minutes ago. It looks like she killed a bloodless poodle!
Well, the
"urge" has passed....there's always tomorrow.
Somehow I don't think
working moms deal with this discomfort. I can't imagine their co-workers
climbing under the stall and wrapping them in toilet paper or playing
pat-a-cake! They have the PLEASURE OF POOPING IN PEACE!!
I hope you enjoyed the story - look for more to come...and, no worries, they're not all TMI topics!
LOL!
Peace.
