eFestival of Words 2014 Finalist

I couldn't be more honored to be nominated for these awards but today they announced the finalists and IN TOO DEEP has made it to the finals and needs your votes.

We are a finalist in the
BEST NEW ADULT NOVEL and BEST VILLAIN (Noah) categories!

I know there are tons of contests out there and people are winning them all the time, but the fact that this particular contest is for INDEPENDENT ebooks makes this a much BIGGER deal for those of us INDIES!

INDIE AUTHORS are growing in popularity and all you have to do is look at the list and see how MANY amazing talents are there.

I'd love it of you'd head over to the eFestival Category lists, register (it only takes a second and you don't have to accept any of the free offers at the end), and vote for your favorites.

Just click HERE and it will take you directly to the voting booths!

Good luck to all the amazing finalists!
<3 p="">

She cries too much...Emotional Abuse soap box

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SoapBox Alert: I love reading reviews of IN TOO DEEP & ON SOLID GROUND...the good and the bad ones. I take everything constructively and don't let my feelings get in the way, so I write this not as an author who doesn't like a certain comment about her books, but as someone who can't believe the lack of tolerance people have for others.
 *****

 1....When someone is being emotionally abused, they CAN'T "just walk away." Emotional abuse is a form of brainwashing in that the abus...er uses many methods to tear the victim to shreds. Being torn like this destroys self-esteem, self-worth and trust in one's own perceptions and self-concept. Over time, the victim loses all sense of self & personal value. The abuser strips the victim of everything that would make 'just walking away' an option. 

 2....Saying someone who's being emotionally abused cries too much is like telling someone who's physically abused that they bruise too easily. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a result of abuse. PTSD happens because something too painful to deal with at that moment gets pushed away into a corner of the mind the victim can't easily access. Typically this is not a choice, it's the psyche's defense mechanism. So, when there's a trigger that pulls that situation out of nowhere, the brain can only process it as if it is happening right then, real time, because it hasn't been processed yet. Just like an amputee has phantom pains in a limb that's no longer there, abuse can be felt...FELT...when a certain song plays, a familiar scent is picked up, a word is spoken, or deep emotion is evoked. And, of course, everyone deals with the pain of abuse differently. Some act out in anger, some self-harm, some can handle more than most, some take their own lives and some cry. Who's too say how much is too much? What they've survived is TOO MUCH!

 *****
When I hear/read these two comments it's obvious to me the person sharing their opinion (which they are fully entitled to) has not experienced the depth of pain that can pull the rug out from under you. For the rest of us who have, that rug is always moving and at any moment can knock us on our asses.
I don't care if you think Gracie cried too much...she's not real. But your best friend, your sister, your co-worker, your daughter is real and what she's going through is a HELL I hope you never experience. So, please be sensitive of things you don't have a reference for. Be kind. That's all. Just be kind.

 

News: ON SOLID GROUND sets date for COVER REVEAL

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If you've read IN TOO DEEP, you are well-acquainted with Gracie, Noah and Jake. Well, their stories aren't over when you reach the last page... ON SOLID GROUND is the sequel due out in December.

The cover reveal for ON SOLID GROUND will take place on numerous book blogs on August 20th!

So, for now, I leave you with the synopsis and a quick (previously posted) glimpse into the pages of of ON SOLID GROUND...

Synopsis:

Gracie survived an emotionally abusive relationship that wrecked her. Her ex, Noah, systematically chipped away at her self-esteem through intimidation, humiliation and infidelity which left Gracie unable to trust her own perception of his intentions. But after falling head over heels for Jake, her best friend and the man who stood by her through it all, she is ready to experience life in the way it was meant to be lived.  However, Gracie may find it impossible to simultaneously heal from the trauma of abuse while navigating a relationship with Jake. Can she put her heart on hold in order to heal her soul?

The sequel to the five-star debut novel, In Too Deep, chronicles Gracie’s steps toward recovery as she discovers new interests, reaches out for help, deals with the return of unexpected exes, struggles through setbacks and reacquaints herself with a sensual and talented soul from her past all in hopes of finding herself on solid ground.


Excerpt:

Calon: Yaz wants to do your guitar lesson at Mitchell’s tonight. 7:00 instead of 6:30.

That was odd. Why in the world would Yaz have Calon text me?

           I walked through the door of Mitchell's and could hear voices. I got to the bottom of the stairs and realized it was Alternate Tragedy but just the band, no Calon. I looked over at the bar just as Jake looked up. He smiled at what he thought was a surprise visit just as his instructor told them to practice something on their own while he took an important phone call.

            “What are you doing here? I thought you had a lesson.”

           “Calon texted me to meet Yaz here.”

             “Oh. He’s in the back booth.” He motioned with his chin toward the back of the bar and then smiled.

               I turned to go see Yaz who’d just leaned out into the aisle and caught a glimpse of me. He held up a finger to whoever he was talking to. That was the only bad thing about the basement of Mitchell’s; the high back booths. You couldn’t see into a booth unless someone was leaning out of it or you were directly next to it. I didn’t know how the wait staff kept track of their customers when they couldn’t even see if anyone was occupying the booths in their section.            

“Gracie, you ready?” Calon came out of nowhere.

            “Huh?” Panic seized my chest and I stared at Yaz like a deer in the headlights waiting for an explanation.

                “You’re practicing with AT tonight. Wednesdays are rehearsals for the weekend bands. You’re going to rehearse with them in place of your regular guitar lesson.”

               “Oh, I can’t—”

                “Oh but you can. Grab your guitar and follow me.”

               I could barely breathe. This was ridiculous. I searched behind the bar for Jake but his bartending class must have gone to the back room. The dimly lit room was empty except for us. Me, the guys of Alternate Tragedy and Yaz.

                “Guys, this is Gracie. Gracie, this is Spider, Manny, Bones and Phil.” All the guys said “hi” in unison. They smiled as though they were trying to comfort me. I was positive there was no way I could hide how terrified I was.

               “Can’t I just watch tonight? I’m not sure I’m ready—”

                “Gracie,” Calon took me by the shoulders and spun me so I faced him. He tilted his head down to catch my gaze. “have you ever seen the videos of the people who put babies in pools and they instinctively swim?”

                “I nodded.”

                “What’s the reason for that?”

                 “Because if …oh, wait, I know what you’re doing! Come on, guys!” I wiggled away from Calon and hugged my guitar case close to me.”

                “Finish what you were going to say.” Calon smirked.

              “You are infuriating.” I tried to look my angriest.

                “Baby, you’re not the first person to tell me that. Now finish.”

                 I sighed with a frustrated growl and spoke quickly, “They throw them in so it’s a sink or swim kind of thing. Anyone can be taught through lessons but the sink or swim technique makes swimming instinctive.”

                “Right on, G!” Spider called from his stool at the drums. I should have assumed a band made up mostly of men with nicknames would grant me my very own nickname. G? It could be worse.

                I saw the group of bartenders move out from the back room and take their spots behind the bar. Jake looked up and smiled and winked but I wondered if he was still bothered by my artistic connection with Calon.

                Calon ushered me to a stool at center stage with a mic stand directly in front of it. He took Josephine out of her case and helped me under the strap Jake got for me.

             “Now, if you decide you want to be our opening act, you will be playing acoustic. Just you and Josephine on the stage” I was stunned he remembered what I’d named my guitar. ”But if you want to mix it up a bit tonight, the guys have offered to be back up for you for a couple songs. They’re going to play along tonight just to take the pressure off a little.”

                “Calon. I didn’t prepare anything. I can’t—”

             “Sink or swim, Gracie.” 

                And with that he stepped down off the stage and sat down in a chair directly in front of me. He leaned back in the chair and started tapping one of his boots loud enough for the band to hear. On cue, Bones came in with the bass guitar, then Manny and Spider joined him with drums and Phil slammed a tambourine against his palm. “Rearview Mirror.”

               I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths. I took so many deep breaths that the guys had to do the whole eight measure intro three times before I was ready to sing.


If you are a book blogger and would like to join us on August 20th for the COVER REVEAL...please email me at michellebrownlow@yahoo.com

If you haven't already, you can check out IN TOO DEEP here!

IN TOO DEEP JULY BLOG HOP

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I am thrilled to introduce you to the amazing bloggers who will be featuring and reviewing IN TOO DEEP on their blogs during our BLOG HOP during the week of July 15-19!

IN TOO DEEP was on three genre-specific Amazon best seller lists the day BEFORE its release and has been getting rave reviews ever since!

**In Too Deep chronicles the life of college Junior, Gracie Jordan who finds herself in a dysfunctional relationship and struggles to find her way out. IN TOO DEEP is a story of love, loss and finding the most genuine man you've ever known.**

"I truly can't believe this was Michelle's debut! One word WOW! It was captivating, emotional, heart racing and a truly heart wrenching story!" ~Leanne Gillings

"Oh my god...this book...I need a minute or a decade to write a goo enough review for this book..."
~Alba, BookPics

"This was a story that pulled me in and didn’t let go….and I loved it!" ~Jillian, Read-Love-Blog

"Okay here it goes..... This book is F^&*%$# INCREDIBLE! Lord I have never ever been so heart broken in my life." ~Tee Loves Kyle Jacobson

"OK everyone, we have a new book boyfriend! IN TOO DEEP, get it now! You will not be disappointed!" ~BookBoyfriend

ON SOLlD GROUND is the sequel to IN TOO DEEP and will be released in DECEMBER 2013

Here are Gracie's stops during the BLOG HOP!

MONDAY 7/15
SBookLover Reviews
The Book Bellas
Ashley's Book Corner
Holly's Hot Reads

TUESDAY 7/16
The Bookish Panda
Talk Supe
Jenee's Book Blog

WEDNESDAY 7/17
Reading is  My Time Out
Cover Bound Bookie
Read-Love-Blog
Library at the End of the Universe

THURSDAY 7/18
Bianca 2b
Naughty & Nice Book Blog
Wine, Books 'n Fringe
Sub Club Books
Gutter Girls Book Reviews
Rude Girl Book Blog

FRIDAY 7/19
Smitten's Book Blog
Romance Addict Book Blog
Books, Coffee & Wine
HEA Bookshelf
Christine Locke Books
SMI Book Club

I am blessed to have so many bloggers excited to share Gracie's story with their readers!

I LOVE COMMENTS so, please feel free to leave your comments during the week of the BLOG HOP - don't forget to tell me which BLOG HOP STOP you came from! :)


 

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I am so excited to be starting my BLOG TOUR today with Xpresso Book Tours! Click on the graphic above and you can check out the 49 stops IN TOO DEEP will be making over the next five days!

Some super awesome book bloggers have REVIEWS and GIVEAWAYS running for the next five days! Win a copy of IN TOO DEEP or just stop by to read their reviews before you purchase a copy of your own.

Here are just a few tiny snippets of some awesome reviews:

“The beauty of friendship and the power of true love shine through the darkness of this emotional roller coaster.” -Fairie Tale Books
 

“Okay here it goes..... This book is F^&*%$# INCREDIBLE! Lord I have never ever been so heart broken in my life. I read this book and lord i had all these emotions and I was bawling like a crazy a$ lady!” - A Diary of a Book Addict

 

“Wow….. This book was completely captivating.” - Crystal's Random Thoughts

I am so excited with the applause IN TOO DEEP is getting. It's a tough subject and I give my readers credit for sticking with Gracie all the way to the end...it's a tough read...it was tough to write and re-read and edit and re-read and edit...it's definitely an emotional roller coaster!

There has also been some HYPE over Jake! Oh, sweet, sweet Jake! Here are just a few ecards circulating throughout the net...enjoy!

Thanks so  much for those of you creative enough to make these GORGEOUS examples of everyone's IN TOO DEEP favorite! :)

Enjoy!
Haven't gotten your copy of IN TOO DEEP yet. CLICK HERE to get your ebook or paperback!

IN TOO DEEP is ALMOST HERE!!

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**amazing collage courtesy of Jenee's Book Blog**

 

About a month ago my computer was freaking out and it wouldn't let me post here. Something was wonky, I don't know what. So, needless to say, as the countdown to IN TOO DEEP's release moved faster and faster, I was busy on Twitter, Goodreads and Facebook making connections, accepting friend requests and welcoming followers. I have also been fully eveloped in writing the "Part 2" of IN TOO DEEP. My blog has suffered a bit coming in at last place on my priorities list...which is silly b/c this is where you get to know the REAL me, my freak personality, my goofball humor and I've been neglecting you.

 

For that, I apologize!

 

 

Today I decided to give it another try and see if my laptop would do what I needed it to to post for you today and VOILA, it's working! While I was setting it up, I peeked at my stats page and there were almost 6800+ page views last month....WHAT THE HECK? That's up from just a little over 100 visitors a month. Even though I wasn't posting I had readers visiting in droves! Well, that just thrills me to no end!

 

 

Friday of last week I was surprised at my door by a smirking UPS man. My UPS man is awesome, my kids call him my 'boyfriend' which makes me giggle. He IS quite handsome and he DID go to Penn State, but I've got all I can handle with my HOT husband so...a boyfriend, no. I can write scandalous things but that's because I have no interest in living that way! LOL! So, anyway, Phil the UPS man is standing at my door and it dawns on my that he may have my books....books I hand't laid eyes on, books I hadn't touched with my own hands. Sure enough, that's what he was delivering - 9 boxes of IN TOO DEEP for my book signing this weekend! Poor Phil saw a side of me he didn't know what to do with. I was jumping and clapping and crying and thanking him like he personally printed each one!

 

Now, before I show you the picture (which has been all over the internet by now, between Twitter and Facebook) let me forewarn you, it is not pretty. Our A/C was broken, it was 90+ degrees, I had been writing all day so I had not showered, dressed or put  make up on...not the way you want to memorialize your very first novel in your hands...but, hey, you hang around with me long enough and you know I'm the "you get what you get" kind of person...I don't DO fake. So, I wasn't faking anything in this less-than-attractive pose but here you go...this is what Phil did to me on Friday...

 

 

When collage's like the one at the top of this post and this one...

**gorgeous collage courtesy of Brittany & Bianca Blab Books**

 



...started coming my way from bloggers who had already read IN  TOO DEEP, I knew no one had to pinch me anymore...THIS SHIZNIT WAS REAL! I was getting FAN mail and virtual FAN art! This is the validation every author needs to remind them...someone (Sapphire Star Publishing, in my case) didn't just give you a shot...they believed in you because what you do is WORTHY of being in print. They knew that your characters would grab ahold of readers' hearts and give it a good shake before letting it go. Someone knew the market well enough to let your words make a statement for the world to read!

I am in awe of the response IN TOO DEEP has received!

Just going over the reviews on Goodreads gives me chills...and yes, I will admit, I read those couple reviews every day! EVERY day because it is an amazing feeling to have people you have never met connect with people you have created in a way that leaves them teary-eyed and speechless. There is no feeling like this!

So, with ONE DAY left to go...

I have to say, I am honored to bring you the life of Gracie Jordan. I am anticipating your reactions to Noah Foster. And I am squealing with excited to introduce the amazing Jake Rockwell to all the BOOK BOYFRIEND FREAKS out there... and I say FREAKS with respect, because I am one of you!

Now here are all the deets you need to take this awesome IN TOO DEEP trip right along with me:

OFFICIAL RELEASE DAY June 6th! TOMORROW!

Available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle and also available on BarnesandNoble.com in paperback and Nook.

Tomorrow I hope you will join me at my VIRTUAL RELEASE PARTY on Facebook from 9am-12pm! Come with virtual food and drink. Ask me questions, tell me what you think of the book so far, NO SPOILERS PLEASE. And I can't promise anything but there's a slight chance Gracie, Noah and Jake may show up for a short time.

Saturday I will be doing a book signing at AROMA'S COFFEE and BAGELS in Elverson, PA from 9am - 12pm. I will have those NINE boxes of books on hand for you to grab or bring one you've already received! Hope I will see you there!

The week of June 13-17 is my VIRTUAL BOOK/BLOG TOUR thanks to Xpresso Book Tours. I will be bouncing around to FORTY-NINE different blogs that week. Crazy!

I am also looking forward to a couple college visits next school year. I have been invited by two universities to come speak to their SIGMA KAPPA Chapters (my sorority) and do a program on emotional abuse and its red flags! I will also be selling books and signing them at these events as well!

I am living a dream!
OK I lied....you're still going to have to pinch me...I don't think I will ever get used to this.

But I do have to say, Gracie (who is real in my heart) DOES deserve all this hooplah for all she has survived! Thank you for giving her props!

Peace out, Romance Peeps!
(And for the 1,000,000th time - thank you to my favorite band, Pearl Jam for inspiring this book!)
You can read more about that HERE!

Gracie's take on EMOTIONAL abuse...

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Hi.
Many of you will read my story over the next year and my biggest wish is that it shines a light on emotional abuse so you can see it for what it is. Whether you have lived my situation or not, I want you to "get it."

What I went through with Noah started off beautiful. I was floored that someone as hot and dangerous as Noah would even give me, mousy little innocent me, a second glance. And then he fell in love with me. Unbelievable. I loved the tough guy thing. He wasn't afraid to fight. He made me feel safe. I trusted him with my heart and my body. He had  me under his spell.

They say hindsight is 20/20. Little by little, and in a very stealth manner, Noah convinced me that I was nothing without him. It wasn't in what he said but through what he 'taught' me about how a relationship works. And, unless you have been in my situation, you can not begin to understand how subliminal those messages to my brain were. Abusers aren't stupid, they know exactly what they are doing.

The official definition of emotional abuse is this:

 Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance,” “teaching,” or “advice,” the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting than physical ones (Engel, 1992, p. 10).

I have found that the people who assume I was weak and/or enjoyed 'playing the victim' have little to no experience with rock bottom self-esteem and that is AWESOME because it means they don't know the pain and sense of loss I do. I am thrilled for them but I plead with them not to make judgements about something they don't know first hand.

I was so naiive when I met Noah. I had only had one boyfriend before him and we never fought which led me to believe he wasn't passionate about our relationship. The control Noah had over me was disguised as passion. Many of us who consider ourselves strong individuals fall for men like Noah and many times we find ourselves IN TOO DEEP.

Being a victim of emotional abuse does NOT equal weakness but being a survivor DOES equal strength.

So, be careful who you call weak...in the end we proved our strength by surviving.

My hope is that those of you who feel like you are walking in my path will learn from my mistakes and get out before he swallows you whole. You CAN survive but you have to shake yourself free from the thoughts he's put in your head of what you are worth...

BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH THE KIND OF LOVE HE CAN NEVER GIVE YOU!

"Falling down is part of life, getting back up is living."
I want you be a survivor.

Love,
Gracie <3 p="">

 

to pearl jam with love - THE BOOK

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It is no secret to anyone who knows me that I am a PEARL JAM nut!

Well, I was approached a couple months ago by a Lori Tone who is creating a book called to pearl jam with love and she was hoping I would submit something for her review since she read that my novel, IN TOO DEEP that's coming out in June, was inspired by Pearl Jam's song DEEP.

I checked with my publisher to make sure I wasn't going against anything in my contract and they said GO FOR IT!

It was a labor of love to try to explain how personal this band is to me. I didn't want it to read like my 12 year old fan letters to Leif Garrett. I wanted with all my heart for Eddie, Stone, Jeff, Matt and Mike to really be moved by my experiences with them and how they brought me to where I am now. I know it sounds cliche but it's the truth. If it weren't for their inspiration I would never have written IN TOO DEEP.

to pearl jam with love is going to be FREAKING AMAZING!

I want to introduce you to the amazing woman behind this incredible Brain Child.

Here is a small blurb about Lori Tone:

My name is Lori Tone and I am a (10c) card-carrying Pearl Jam addict...and fan since 1991. I am also a professional, published Canadian writer, editor, photographer, and communications professional ... amongst other ambitions. My dedication to seeing this project to print and presented to the band (and fans!) is absolute. I am very lucky to have the support of my family and friends, as well as MANY of you, the Pearl Jam faithfull. I won't change direction and I won't change my mind.

About the book:

  to pearl jam with love is a unique collection of stories, love letters, thank-yous and artistic tributes to a band who has touched countless people around the world for more than two decades.

It is about the sharing of moving and inspirational stories and memories, each unique, but at the same time connected to the band and their music.

to pearl jam with love are the words and images that make these stories come alive. Stories from everyday fans, fellow musicians, collaborators, and those who have experienced first hand the generosity that seems to flow unending from this band.

Along with the captivating words, the book is about artwork, photos and other stunning tributes to the band by both the amateur and professional.

It is our chance, new fan or old, famous or not, to have our Pearl Jam story heard, our thanks given and to make sure the world knows just how amazing this band and these individuals truly are.

So,  if you have had an unforgettable Pearl Jam experience or have always thought, "If I ever met the band I would thank them for..." then you need to contact Lori through the book's website.
(Yes, I made that whole sentence a link....it got your attention, didn't it?)

I am thrilled to be a part of this project and would love to be a fly on the wall as Eddie, Stone, Jeff, Matt and Mike sit down with a case of wine and read through all the stories of lives they have changed. It isn't an unknown fact what talent they have but it has been said by everyone who meets them that they are amazing humans and some of the nicest people you'll ever meet.

Lori's efforts in putting this book together will not go unappreciated by the band. This is our time, as fans, to give back and it's an amazing feeling to know this specific group of men will undoubtedly cherish to pearl jam with love.

I couldn't be more excited!

Questions from my readers...

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One of the coolest things about awaiting your book release is the realization that someday soon you will have "readers" which translates loosely to "fans!" People who like the junk that floats around in my head. People who want to play with the made-up characters in my mind. That is so freaking cool!!

So, today I am answering questions from my readers.

Technically, I only have one reader. My editor extraordinaire. But my prospective readers have left questions on my facebook and I thought I would take some time to answer them.

And they READ my facebook, so maybe I'm not jumping the gun by calling them 'my readers.'

So, here goes:

What "told" you to write?! When you wrote your book, did it just flow freely or did you have to ponder about it often?! When and where did the idea come from?!? :) ~Stephanie

 

Well, since IN TOO DEEP is loosely based on my own experience with an abusive boyfriend, I guess the structure or the skeleton of the story has been with my for about 20 years. But because it is fiction, there were many parts I had to ponder or work out over a couple days. Some of the fictional pieces came completely out of nowhere and some of them were formed when I'd text my BFFs, "Hey, I need a ..... for when she .....! Tell me how you picture that happening."

 

What was your writing process from the beginning? When you knew you had an idea for a story how did you go about getting the story told? ~Jennie

 

I wrote about five chapters of IN TOO DEEP then walked away for a while to make sense of where the story was going. When I went back to it and jumped in where I left off I realized it wasn't a story I wanted sitting in a file cabinet for years before I finished it. So, I set myself strict goals and wrote at least 1,000 words without editing - just stream of consciousness writing. After I hit 50,000 words, the story wasn't finished but I went back in and edited. When that was done, I wrote the ending.

 

 Since your book is written from a personal experience, is there anything you would change about what happened? ~Myah

 

It's been fun making up scenes and conversations that I wish I would have had the nerve to entertain when I was fighting through my own heartache. I put Gracie in some similar situations to my own and in some cases I wrote into the story what I wish I had the nerve to do or say in the heat of the moment. But, much of the story is fiction so in a way, sometimes I feel like I did re-write history.

 

Do you have a particular time of day or place in or out of your home when/where you're most productive at writing? What gets your juices flowing? ~Denise

My most productive writing time is as soon as the last of my kids are on the bus. I grab my coffee and something to eat and sit at the kitchen table by our patio doors and start there. I have a beautiful studio my husband created for me a couple years ago but in the morning, when the house is quiet and I don't have to hide to get some private writing time, that's when I like to be at the table. Sometimes I start writing and the next thing I know my big kids are getting off the bus. That's when I know the scenes I wrote were good ones! :)

Thanks for your questions!
I love answering them! Feel free to leave questions on my facebook author page and I will periodically do Q&A style posts!

Peace.

IN TOO DEEP...cover COMING SOON!

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In preparation for the COVER REVEAL of IN TOO DEEP in a week, I thought I would post a short synopsis of the book to get you in the mood for some soul-breaking, heart-filling romance. This is a story very close to my heart because even though it is fictional, it is based on an emotionally abusive relationship I had in college. Gracie's story is one you won't forget.

Gracie Jordan’s innocence has bad boy Noah Foster intrigued. Without hesitation, she follows Noah’s charming lead into a relationship she’s nowhere near ready for. Noah’s love turns dark but Gracie holds on waiting for the Noah she fell in love with to return. Her heartbreak threatens to pull her under but her best friend and Noah’s former roommate, Jake, refuses to be a bystander. Jake throws Gracie a life raft and prays it’s not too late.

Emotionally this book was so hard to write. Dredging up all of the emotions proved to be one of the hardest things I have ever done. But, my very own "Jake" talked me through it and helped me realize this story could save someone from such pain. Of all the young women who dive into Gracie and Jake's reality, I hoping at least ONE sees the red flags in her own relationship in time for her to get out before she is IN TOO DEEP!

I'm so excited for the REVEAL on February 22nd. But even MORE excited for the book's RELEASE on June 6, 2013!

Gracie's best friend...Jake

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Yes, Jake is Gracie's best friend. Not just best "guy" friend...best FRIEND...on the planet. He is just that guy that every girl should have to help her navigate her relationships. He's honest but gentle with his words, he's a great boyfriend. For years, Gracie has watched the way he is with his girlfriend, Jessica. He really is the most genuine person she has ever met and she counts herself lucky to have snagged him as her BFF! ...oh yeah, and he's HOT!

The best way to introduce you to Jake is to let you peek inside a conversation they had in Gracie's apartment. Jake was the one she could count on to say the things no one else would... the things she didn't want to believe.

...enter, Jake...

          “Gracie, you are an amazing girl. You are beautiful and kind and you have the biggest heart of anyone I know.” He pulled back and looked me straight in the eyes. “But, you have to see that Noah doesn’t respect you.”

            “Jake!”

            “Listen, if no one is going to be brutally honest with you, I will, because I can’t stand watching you break.”

            “Stop.” I shook my head and put my face in my hands.

            “Gracie, listen to me. This is like a train wreck, everyone is watching and everyone is seeing the same thing. But for some reason you aren’t seeing the damage he is causing. This is eating you alive. He is stealing away the Gracie we all love and leaving and empty shell. It hurts me to watch. Honey, he doesn’t love you!”

            His voice was getting louder and his grip on my arms was a little tighter as he spoke.

            “Honey, he doesn’t love you!”

            I wiggled free and ran into the other room, “STOP IT, Jake!”

            “How does he show it? If he loves you, tell me what he does to prove it to you.”

            “He…well…”

            “See, you should be able to come up with something immediately. You can’t.”

            “How can you…”
            “He treats you like shit,” he started to tear up, “I see you crumble more each time we talk about what he’s done to you. He has changed back into the old Noah and he doesn’t deserve you. You are way too good for him. When are you going to see that?”

            “Jake, you are my best friend! My very, very best friend! How can you say these things to me? How can you purposely hurt me like this?” The last question came out as a whisper.

            He walked over to me and wiped my tears. He took my face in his hands and said, “Because sometimes being the best friend means telling the truth even when it hurts.”

            I crumbled in his arms and he helped me to the couch. I don’t know how long we sat there but I eventually cried myself to sleep. When I woke up I was covered up with a blanket and there was a note jotted on the receipt from our last take out order,

“Remember to not settle. You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for.

Love you to pieces, Jake”

You like him, don't you? Yeah, he's hard not to like!

Noah, in a nutshell...

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If you've been following my journey that is taking me to the release of my first novel, IN TOO DEEP, you know about Gracie (the good girl) and you've heard about her ups and downs with Noah, her 'bad boy' boyfriend.

As much as he is a part of the story, he is my least favorite character simply because he isn't very nice. (Oh, don't get me wrong...he is in the beginning of their relationship. He was romantic and gentle and kind.) While writing this book, I had to take breaks because some of the scenes were (although fictional) close to my own experience with emotional abuse.

Noah is gorgeous. He's taller than Gracie and she loves his strong, broad shoulders. But it's his naughty smirk that gets her every time. That and the blond hair and bottomless deep brown eyes.

He isn't someone Gracie's friends ever, EVER, pictured her with. He is rough around the edges and people who know him tell some pretty scandalous stories about his "conquests" and his apparent need to get in a good fist fight now and then. He is described like someone Gracie would be fearful of, not fall for. But, once he started to fall for Gracie, he changed...maybe.

Sometimes Noah would slip from the boyfriend who breaks her heart back into who Gracie called, "Real Noah." She would cast her line deeper into the sea of hope that "Real Noah" would stay that time.

Once, during a Real Noah moment, Gracie told him, in jest, that he had multiple personalities. He asked her to explain. This is a short snippet of their conversation:

“Well, there’s a romantic one, a loner one…” We could be here all day if he wanted a list.

“Wait, what does the romantic one do?”

“Oh, you really want to talk about this. Alright, Romantic Noah can predict my every move before I even know it. He pays attention and treats me to surprises. He also says, “I love you.”

“Wow. OK.” he looked like he was frozen in time, ‘So, there are more?”

“Oh, yeah, let’s see, there’s Loner Noah.”

“What is he like?”

“Well, he needs no one and isn’t afraid to let me know I'm not needed. He’s the one who doesn’t want me to call; he wants to be the one to decide when reaching out is necessary.”

“You really think that I’m him?”

“Part of you is, I’ve become quite familiar with Loner Noah”

“Do you like that one?”

“No, not especially. He makes me sad and self-conscious.”

This was actually the most sweetly intense conversation Noah and I had ever had with the exception of the one we had before and after we made love for the first time. He was so careful that night not to pressure or rush me. He valued my virginity and we had only been officially a couple for less than two months. I was shocked at how well the conversation was going. Noah usually didn’t entertain “sappy” and “deep” for this many minutes strung together and he was the one initiating it.

           “I’m sorry I make you sad,” he said.
       
           I just looked away before the tears came. I was sorry, too. More sorry than he would ever know. He left scars that I would always feel whether we were together forever or not.

            “Tell me about another one.”

           “Noah, we don’t have to…”

            “I need you to do this for me, Gracie, please.”

            “Well, there’s a daring Noah.”

            “Ohhh, that sounds…better?”

            “Yeah. I like that one," I giggled a little. "He’s brave and a little reckless but that makes him so sexy. As long as we’re being honest here…romantic and daring would be a beautiful combination.”

            “Really? I will have to remember that. Are there more?”

           “Oh yeah, there’s an angry, scary one.” An uncontrollable shiver came across me when I pictured his face within inches of mine the day he spat out the truth that he and Lily went to a function together; a function I didn't even know about. The evil smile on his face as he watched me cry would stay with me forever.
            “Do I want to know about him?”

            “I wish I didn’t..." I had to look away.


So, there's your look into the multi-faceted guy who may finally break Gracie into so many pieces there will be too many to pick up.

But Jake won't let that happen...

Who's Jake?

Stay tuned!

Meet Gracie Jordan and her playlist...

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It's nice to meet you.
So, you think Noah's no good for me, too. That's why you're here, isn't it?

Well, he loves me. He pursued me, not the other way around. He fell for me first. Sure, I broke up with my boyfriend for him but only after he begged. He wanted me like I'd never felt wanted before and he could have anyone he wanted. He was beautiful and he wasn't going to take 'no' for an answer. And that should have been my first clue...

Noah's sun-tinted blond hair and big brown eyes weren't all that caught my attention. He was completely opposite that I was. In high school I was the girl who didn't get the text about the weekend party if there would be alcohol there. It wasn't that the kids at school thought I was a nerd...I had tons of friends. I was popular but I was also known as the "good girl." I didn't drink, swear, do drugs, sneak out or have sex...nothing most of my friends were doing. I graduated a virgin and was very proud to tell anyone I was saving myself for my future husband.

Noah, on the other hand, was the antithesis of "good," he was Hell on wheels. He drank, smoked weed, was crude and sometimes had a downright repulsive vocabulary. He slept with tons of girls and on the weekends he usually earned himself a hearty slug to the jaw for something he said or did at a party. But, you see, this is what people told me. With the exception of the first day we met, I never saw that Noah. I saw the Noah that fell so hard for me he would give that lifestyle up to keep me. So, he got me.

I love him. If I think of my life without him I panic. But things have changed.  I believe his lies and when I see right through them I talk myself out of the notion that what I suspect is truth. He is powerful and I am under his spell. But my self-esteem is so far gone one day I just couldn't find it anymore and that's when I knew... I am not worth anything more .I let him treat me the way he does because one day he will go back to being the Noah I fell in love with.

My best friend, Jake, who is actually Noah's former roommate, will tell you he's scared for me, for my sanity. He wants to badly to save me but I'm in too deep.

God, I'm in too deep. I'm not sure how much more of my story I can tell you. I usually start trembling when I talk about it. He doesn't hit me but my heart and my emotional state of mind sometimes take a beating. If I could just be the girlfriend he needs...I try so hard, so so hard, but I always seem to come up short. Just not enough.

Please don't feel sorry for me, this is just who we are. Lots of couples have tumultuous relationships, right? I really don't see why Jake insists Noah doesn't respect me. And why does everyone keep bringing up the word "abuse?" That's ridiculous...

Well, you came for my own personal playlist...these are the songs that speak volumes to me. Music is my therapy when I don't have the answers to what cuts me so deeply.

Gracie's Mix:

Oceans by Pearl Jam
Better Together by Jack Johnson
Add It Up by Violent Femmes
Better Man by Pearl Jam
Don't Change by INXS
Inside Out by Eve6
Shook Me by AC/DC
Black by Pearl Jam
The Middle by Johnny Eat World
Oceansize by Jane's Addiction

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Well, it's the second day of the New Year and I am still thinking that December 27th was a dream! That was the day I signed a contract with Sapphire Star Publishing for my New Adult Contemporary Romance, IN TOO DEEP. The New Adult category is typically for readers ages 17-24.

Writing IN TOO DEEP was an amazing experience. I don't think most people understand how you can have a story inside your brain that is literally just knocking to get out. That's what happened with this book! It was there and I needed to let it out so that the other stories in my head could move up a slot and wait their turn in line to be released.

IN TOO DEEP is a love story that I am sure happens on college campuses across the country. I needed to get this story out and into the hands of young women who may be dealing with a similar situation. Even though this is a fictional story, I am hoping walking with Gracie through her personal hell, helps actual victims of emotional abuse view their situation in a different light so they can get out of it before it rocks them to their core.

My character Gracie just assumes she and Noah have a "rocky" relationship when in fact what Noah is doing to her, by definition, is emotional abuse. Gracie doesn't see it because in her heart she believes Noah would never hurt her purposely. But he does...over and over and over again.This story takes an evil most don’t consider abuse and validates it for the many victims of its Hell.

Emotional abuse is real. It's not always qualified as "actual" abuse because there are no bruises or welts. But the scars of emotional abuse don't go away like a bruise or a welt. Emotional abuse stays with the victim as long as the emotional trauma of any other type of abuse.

I want to thank Amy and Katie at Sapphire Star for believing in this story and for giving Gracie a voice that could save the sanity of many many victims before they find themselves IN TOO DEEP.