MKB is goin' INDIE! 4 DAYS!

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ON SOLID GROUND - TWO WEEKS EARLY!

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SURPRISE RELEASE!

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OMG! ON SOLID GROUND was released TWO WEEKS EARLY!

So, I'm running THE BEST CONTEST EVER - for just 24 hours!

 

BREAKING NEWS: On Solid Ground

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NEW CHAPTERS...ON SOLID GROUND

I am so excited!

IN TOO DEEP went over HUGE in the NA world. It's a tough book to read but one you can't put down...or so I've heard. When I say tough I'm refering to the rollercoaster of emotions you experience while reading. Just check out some of the reviews. And btw, there are more than 2,000 of you who have it on their to-read list...you may wanna move it to your read list.
In Too Deep

ON SOLID GROUND is the sequel and where it is similar in intensity to IN TOO DEEP, the intensity is NOT revolved around Gracie's broken heart...there are a couple new twists to the story my readers may NOT be expecting. But, based on the 5 STAR reviews it has gotten from bloggers who've received the pre-ARC, it's worth the stress.
On Solid Ground

The best part is, after a long discussion with my amazing editor, I have decided to add TWO more chapters to the end of the story to wrap up some loose ends with one of the characters.

SQUEEAAAALLLL!
I am so excited to get this book out to you! December can't come quick enough!! :)

Peace.

 

The On Solid Ground ARC request list is growing...

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Gracie survived an emotionally abusive relationship that wrecked her. Her ex, Noah, systematically chipped away at her self-esteem through intimidation, humiliation and infidelity which left Gracie unable to trust her own perception of his intentions. But after falling head over heels for Jake, her best friend and the man who stood by her through it all, she is ready to experience life in the way it was meant to be lived.  However, Gracie may find it impossible to simultaneously heal from the trauma of abuse while navigating a relationship with Jake. Can she put her heart on hold in order to heal her soul?

The sequel to the five-star debut novel, In Too Deep, chronicles Gracie’s steps toward healing as she falls deeper in love, reaches out for help, stands on her own, steps out of her comfort zone, faces her biggest fears, and reconnects with a sensual, talented soul from her past all in hopes of finding herself on solid ground.

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You thought Gracie had you captivated in IN TOO DEEP? Well, you just wait and see her get herself to solid ground! You will not believe the twists and turns this plot takes!

 

 

I am offering up Advance Reader Copies of ON SOLID GROUND to reputable book bloggers, only. Due to the risk of PIRACY (thanks to the idiots who give away for FREE what authors work long hard hours to create), unless I know you personally I will not be sending ARCs to individuals who are NOT bloggers. But, if I know you, hit me up!

 

 

Please send requests for ARCs of ON SOLID GROUND to:

michellebrownlow@yahoo.com

 

...and please include the link to your blog.

 

The ARCs will be available in early November, and I'd LOVE to be on your blog calendar from the DECEMBER 3rd RELEASE DAY!

It's COVER REVEAL day for ON SOLID GROUND

 

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You fell in love...

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You asked for more...

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You've waited long enough...

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Cover Art: Michelle Kemper Brownlow

 

Release Date: December 3, 2013

 

Gracie survived an emotionally abusive relationship that wrecked her. Her ex, Noah, systematically chipped away at her self-esteem through intimidation, humiliation and infidelity which left Gracie unable to trust her own perception of his intentions. But after falling head over heels for Jake, her best friend and the man who stood by her through it all, she is ready to experience life in the way it was meant to be lived.  However, Gracie may find it impossible to simultaneously heal from the trauma of abuse while navigating a relationship with Jake. Can she put her heart on hold in order to heal her soul?

The sequel to the five-star debut novel, In Too Deep, chronicles Gracie’s steps toward healing as she falls deeper in love, reaches out for help, stands on her own, steps out of her comfort zone, faces her biggest fears, and reconnects with a sensual, talented soul from her past all in hopes of finding herself On Solid Ground.

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Gracie was welcomed into the New Adult Romance world on June 6, 2013 and she escorted IN TOO DEEP onto not one, not two, but three genre-specific Amazon Best Seller Lists one day prior to the release. I could not have been more excited and every day am humbled by the reviews, messages and emails I receive daily from readers who couldn't put the book down, realized there own situation as abusive or made peace with a demon of their past. That was the sole purpose of IN TOO DEEP.

 

When my publisher, Sapphire Star Publishing, told its authors they were closing to submissions until further notice, they encouraged me to go the self-publishing route for ON SOLID GROUND so as not to lose momentum for Gracie's story. They are cheering me on from the sidelines today, thrilled that I took their advice and brought Gracie back to tell the rest of her story.

 

I am thrilled to bring you ON SOLID GROUND this December 3rd, just in time for the Holidays!

 

The book-blog-o-sphere is on FIRE today for Gracie, I will add links when I see REVEALS go up, these crazy book ladies have made collages and everything!

 

But for now, enjoy a brand new, never before seen excerpt from ON SOLID GROUND...

 

 

“So, tell me a little bit about yourself, Gracie.”

 It was a beautiful Tuesday morning, I could be at home sleeping in with Jake but I was sitting in counseling for the first time. If Jake hadn’t mentioned the “Honey Do” list, I would have put off making the appointment. I was scared to death to spill my guts to anyone, especially someone I didn’t know.

The woman who sat across from me was too slick and put together. Her black pin-striped rayon pants rippled at her ankles as she walked toward the wingback chair across from me. The room was calm and inviting. I would never have guessed that this peaceful atmosphere could exist in the Student Health building. The main part of the building was like a clinic and the students filing in and out were like cattle. The building was old and it had that sterile we-sprayed-this-because-someone-just-puked smell. When I walked through the masses, I saw people who were obviously in some form of discomfort. Some were sleeping across chairs, some were hunched over clutching their guts and there were even a few who were holding a blood-stained compress on an appendage. I navigated through the throng of the broken and wished that was all that was wrong with me. I wished I could stop the bleeding with a compress. It would be so much easier if I just had a sore throat instead of worrying about the scavenger hunt I was about to embark on to try and find the old me.

            Dr. Sylvia Watts took her seat in the wingback chair positioned across from the matching deep red couch where I sat. There was a glass-top coffee table between us. One whole wall was dark mahogany bookshelves from floor to ceiling. Her filing cabinet and side table must have come as a set with the bookshelves because they matched perfectly. The plain creamy off white walls were offset by the red, beige and brown geometric pattern on the throw pillows, the couch and the floor to ceiling curtains. Everything was so put together and I walked in shattered. It was enough of a juxtaposition to make me more than a little uncomfortable. I couldn’t help but wonder how much she really knew about the human condition. Wouldn’t she be the first to figure out that such a neat and tidy room would be so glaringly opposite than the offensive mess she would witness during her sessions that her clients might feel worse about themselves by comparison?

            Whatever. This may not last. She looked down her nose at me over her half glasses with their striking purple frames. I just needed to get it over with so I could tell Jake I’d given it a shot but it just wasn’t going to work out.

            “Well, I’m Gracie, but you knew that. I’m twenty-one and just finished my Junior year. I’m a Social Work major. I transferred here from the UT Martin campus Spring Semester of my Sophomore year. I just had a terrible break up last semester and then immediately fell in love with my best friend, Jake, who just happens to be my ex’s former roommate.” There that should keep us busy for a while and I didn’t even have to say Noah’s name.

            “How is the new relationship going?”

            “Jake is gentle and kind and selfless.”

            “Well, he sounds wonderful."

             "He really is." I couldn't help but smile just thinking about him.

           "So, tell me a little about your ex. What is his name?”

Dammit. Her hand hovered over the yellow legal pad she had in her lap poised to diagram the mess that I brought that day. It never occurred to me that she would be taking notes. Notes on how fucked up I was. Shit. Five minutes in and my chest was tight and I was sweating.

            “Um…” I cleared my throat. “Noah. His name was Noah.”

            “Was? His name is still Noah, correct?”

            I nodded. What the hell? She was going to go all smart ass on me? I didn’t have to deal with this. Don’t sit there in your Vera Wang outfit and make me look stupid, lady. Suddenly I was aware of what I was wearing. My over-sized, sleeveless red flannel shirt was draped over a black graphic t-shirt with bright yellow lettering that spelled out I’M WITH THE BAND. I had on black leggings and my favorite girly combat boots. Dr. Sylvia Watts may be perfectly put together and never suffered a day in her life but I was not going to let her get to me.

            “I know that seemed like a smart ass question.” Okay, she swore, so she’s not being perfectly professional. That’s one point in her favor. “But, so many times when we have bad break ups we try to push that person out of our minds as though they have been exterminated, removed from the planet. If we refer to Noah in the present tense it will be easier to come to terms with the fact that he will continue to exist and he will move on. It won’t be as much of a shock to your system if you unexpectedly run into him or hear someone mention his name. Your relationship may be over but Noah isn’t. Does that make sense?”

            I nodded and unshed tears burned my eyes. I blinked as fast as I could and looked down at my hands that were wringing themselves lifeless. It never occurred to me that she might make me cry the first day.

            “Gracie. Tell me why you are crying.” She tapped the end of her pen on her hand that held the legal pad.

            “I’m not crying.”

            “Gracie. We don’t play games in this office. You are here to get better, to talk through the things that brought you here, to heal. Those things don’t happen without flushing your system of all the pain. Think of it as a plugged up toilet. The water can’t run smoothly until the shit is out of the way. Right?”

            I laughed and nodded and she handed me the tissue box. That’s two points for Dr. Sylvia Watts. She was growing on me.

            “Tell me what’s making you cry.” She wasn’t going to let this go.

            “My emotions are all over the place. I feel comfortable with Jake but little things like compliments bowl me over and it’s like someone’s handed me a foreign object I don’t know what to do with.”

            “I guess so.” I choked out a sob. “I’m sorry for crying so much.”

            “Why are you sorry?”

            “I should be stronger than that by now.”

 

           “Gracie, it’s the strong people who let it all out. Those who keep from crying aren’t capable of processing what is going on inside their minds and their hearts, so they don’t let themselves feel the depth of their pain. They also find it hard to empathize with someone in your recent situation. They’re the friends that walk away. They think they’re walking away because you’re too high maintenance for them. But they’re actually walking away as a selfish means of self-preservation. They can’t handle the pain. Those who cry are strong enough to take it all in, feel it and then let it all out.”

            Sylvia stunned me with those three sentences. All these years I felt weak because I cried almost every day. Sylvia spun that notion and made me see it a different way. Crying was evidence that I was strong. Me. Strong.

 

Special thanks goes out to all the participating bloggers who are REVEALING On Solid Ground today: (more links added as posts go up)

 

Jenee's Book Blog   The Sub CLUB Book Club   Read-Love-Blog  SBookLover Reviews   Books She Reads    Lovin' Los Libros   Books Over Boys   The Bookish Panda   Wine Books & Fringe  HEA Book Shelf   Sunshine & Mountains: Book Reviews and More  Tiffany's Book Hangover  Ashley's Book Corner   Brittany & Bianca Blab Books  Starbucks & Book Obsession  Christine Locke Books  Blue Eyed Book Reviews  True Story Book Blog  Keep Calm and Read Romance  Naughty & Nice Book Blog  The Book Tart  Crazy Chaotic Book Babes





Are you SAM'S new girlfriend?

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Well, you know I'm a sucker for a good contest...and I know you are sucker's for Sam, Jake's sidekick in IN TOO DEEP.

 

Sam finds himself a nice girl over Summer Break which is the timeframe of ON SOLID GROUND. And since I am still in the editing phase, I can make her YOU!

 

If you would like to be Sam's girlfriend (your name and description), head over to my facebook page and look for the photo above to enter TO BE SAM'S GIRLFRIEND! In the comments below the photo, tell me how "you" and Sam met...be creative or make it simple, it can be romantic or comical.

 

I will have a team of judges (my teenagers) choose the winning story and I will announce the winner tomorrow morning on my facebook page, so make sure you're a LIKER so it comes to your news feed!

 

Maybe YOU are Sam's new girlfriend in ON SOLID GROUND... her part isn't huge but she's a great girl...especially if she's YOU!



News: ON SOLID GROUND sets date for COVER REVEAL

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If you've read IN TOO DEEP, you are well-acquainted with Gracie, Noah and Jake. Well, their stories aren't over when you reach the last page... ON SOLID GROUND is the sequel due out in December.

The cover reveal for ON SOLID GROUND will take place on numerous book blogs on August 20th!

So, for now, I leave you with the synopsis and a quick (previously posted) glimpse into the pages of of ON SOLID GROUND...

Synopsis:

Gracie survived an emotionally abusive relationship that wrecked her. Her ex, Noah, systematically chipped away at her self-esteem through intimidation, humiliation and infidelity which left Gracie unable to trust her own perception of his intentions. But after falling head over heels for Jake, her best friend and the man who stood by her through it all, she is ready to experience life in the way it was meant to be lived.  However, Gracie may find it impossible to simultaneously heal from the trauma of abuse while navigating a relationship with Jake. Can she put her heart on hold in order to heal her soul?

The sequel to the five-star debut novel, In Too Deep, chronicles Gracie’s steps toward recovery as she discovers new interests, reaches out for help, deals with the return of unexpected exes, struggles through setbacks and reacquaints herself with a sensual and talented soul from her past all in hopes of finding herself on solid ground.


Excerpt:

Calon: Yaz wants to do your guitar lesson at Mitchell’s tonight. 7:00 instead of 6:30.

That was odd. Why in the world would Yaz have Calon text me?

           I walked through the door of Mitchell's and could hear voices. I got to the bottom of the stairs and realized it was Alternate Tragedy but just the band, no Calon. I looked over at the bar just as Jake looked up. He smiled at what he thought was a surprise visit just as his instructor told them to practice something on their own while he took an important phone call.

            “What are you doing here? I thought you had a lesson.”

           “Calon texted me to meet Yaz here.”

             “Oh. He’s in the back booth.” He motioned with his chin toward the back of the bar and then smiled.

               I turned to go see Yaz who’d just leaned out into the aisle and caught a glimpse of me. He held up a finger to whoever he was talking to. That was the only bad thing about the basement of Mitchell’s; the high back booths. You couldn’t see into a booth unless someone was leaning out of it or you were directly next to it. I didn’t know how the wait staff kept track of their customers when they couldn’t even see if anyone was occupying the booths in their section.            

“Gracie, you ready?” Calon came out of nowhere.

            “Huh?” Panic seized my chest and I stared at Yaz like a deer in the headlights waiting for an explanation.

                “You’re practicing with AT tonight. Wednesdays are rehearsals for the weekend bands. You’re going to rehearse with them in place of your regular guitar lesson.”

               “Oh, I can’t—”

                “Oh but you can. Grab your guitar and follow me.”

               I could barely breathe. This was ridiculous. I searched behind the bar for Jake but his bartending class must have gone to the back room. The dimly lit room was empty except for us. Me, the guys of Alternate Tragedy and Yaz.

                “Guys, this is Gracie. Gracie, this is Spider, Manny, Bones and Phil.” All the guys said “hi” in unison. They smiled as though they were trying to comfort me. I was positive there was no way I could hide how terrified I was.

               “Can’t I just watch tonight? I’m not sure I’m ready—”

                “Gracie,” Calon took me by the shoulders and spun me so I faced him. He tilted his head down to catch my gaze. “have you ever seen the videos of the people who put babies in pools and they instinctively swim?”

                “I nodded.”

                “What’s the reason for that?”

                 “Because if …oh, wait, I know what you’re doing! Come on, guys!” I wiggled away from Calon and hugged my guitar case close to me.”

                “Finish what you were going to say.” Calon smirked.

              “You are infuriating.” I tried to look my angriest.

                “Baby, you’re not the first person to tell me that. Now finish.”

                 I sighed with a frustrated growl and spoke quickly, “They throw them in so it’s a sink or swim kind of thing. Anyone can be taught through lessons but the sink or swim technique makes swimming instinctive.”

                “Right on, G!” Spider called from his stool at the drums. I should have assumed a band made up mostly of men with nicknames would grant me my very own nickname. G? It could be worse.

                I saw the group of bartenders move out from the back room and take their spots behind the bar. Jake looked up and smiled and winked but I wondered if he was still bothered by my artistic connection with Calon.

                Calon ushered me to a stool at center stage with a mic stand directly in front of it. He took Josephine out of her case and helped me under the strap Jake got for me.

             “Now, if you decide you want to be our opening act, you will be playing acoustic. Just you and Josephine on the stage” I was stunned he remembered what I’d named my guitar. ”But if you want to mix it up a bit tonight, the guys have offered to be back up for you for a couple songs. They’re going to play along tonight just to take the pressure off a little.”

                “Calon. I didn’t prepare anything. I can’t—”

             “Sink or swim, Gracie.” 

                And with that he stepped down off the stage and sat down in a chair directly in front of me. He leaned back in the chair and started tapping one of his boots loud enough for the band to hear. On cue, Bones came in with the bass guitar, then Manny and Spider joined him with drums and Phil slammed a tambourine against his palm. “Rearview Mirror.”

               I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths. I took so many deep breaths that the guys had to do the whole eight measure intro three times before I was ready to sing.


If you are a book blogger and would like to join us on August 20th for the COVER REVEAL...please email me at michellebrownlow@yahoo.com

If you haven't already, you can check out IN TOO DEEP here!

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I am so excited to be starting my BLOG TOUR today with Xpresso Book Tours! Click on the graphic above and you can check out the 49 stops IN TOO DEEP will be making over the next five days!

Some super awesome book bloggers have REVIEWS and GIVEAWAYS running for the next five days! Win a copy of IN TOO DEEP or just stop by to read their reviews before you purchase a copy of your own.

Here are just a few tiny snippets of some awesome reviews:

“The beauty of friendship and the power of true love shine through the darkness of this emotional roller coaster.” -Fairie Tale Books
 

“Okay here it goes..... This book is F^&*%$# INCREDIBLE! Lord I have never ever been so heart broken in my life. I read this book and lord i had all these emotions and I was bawling like a crazy a$ lady!” - A Diary of a Book Addict

 

“Wow….. This book was completely captivating.” - Crystal's Random Thoughts

I am so excited with the applause IN TOO DEEP is getting. It's a tough subject and I give my readers credit for sticking with Gracie all the way to the end...it's a tough read...it was tough to write and re-read and edit and re-read and edit...it's definitely an emotional roller coaster!

There has also been some HYPE over Jake! Oh, sweet, sweet Jake! Here are just a few ecards circulating throughout the net...enjoy!

Thanks so  much for those of you creative enough to make these GORGEOUS examples of everyone's IN TOO DEEP favorite! :)

Enjoy!
Haven't gotten your copy of IN TOO DEEP yet. CLICK HERE to get your ebook or paperback!

IN TOO DEEP is ALMOST HERE!!

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**amazing collage courtesy of Jenee's Book Blog**

 

About a month ago my computer was freaking out and it wouldn't let me post here. Something was wonky, I don't know what. So, needless to say, as the countdown to IN TOO DEEP's release moved faster and faster, I was busy on Twitter, Goodreads and Facebook making connections, accepting friend requests and welcoming followers. I have also been fully eveloped in writing the "Part 2" of IN TOO DEEP. My blog has suffered a bit coming in at last place on my priorities list...which is silly b/c this is where you get to know the REAL me, my freak personality, my goofball humor and I've been neglecting you.

 

For that, I apologize!

 

 

Today I decided to give it another try and see if my laptop would do what I needed it to to post for you today and VOILA, it's working! While I was setting it up, I peeked at my stats page and there were almost 6800+ page views last month....WHAT THE HECK? That's up from just a little over 100 visitors a month. Even though I wasn't posting I had readers visiting in droves! Well, that just thrills me to no end!

 

 

Friday of last week I was surprised at my door by a smirking UPS man. My UPS man is awesome, my kids call him my 'boyfriend' which makes me giggle. He IS quite handsome and he DID go to Penn State, but I've got all I can handle with my HOT husband so...a boyfriend, no. I can write scandalous things but that's because I have no interest in living that way! LOL! So, anyway, Phil the UPS man is standing at my door and it dawns on my that he may have my books....books I hand't laid eyes on, books I hadn't touched with my own hands. Sure enough, that's what he was delivering - 9 boxes of IN TOO DEEP for my book signing this weekend! Poor Phil saw a side of me he didn't know what to do with. I was jumping and clapping and crying and thanking him like he personally printed each one!

 

Now, before I show you the picture (which has been all over the internet by now, between Twitter and Facebook) let me forewarn you, it is not pretty. Our A/C was broken, it was 90+ degrees, I had been writing all day so I had not showered, dressed or put  make up on...not the way you want to memorialize your very first novel in your hands...but, hey, you hang around with me long enough and you know I'm the "you get what you get" kind of person...I don't DO fake. So, I wasn't faking anything in this less-than-attractive pose but here you go...this is what Phil did to me on Friday...

 

 

When collage's like the one at the top of this post and this one...

**gorgeous collage courtesy of Brittany & Bianca Blab Books**

 



...started coming my way from bloggers who had already read IN  TOO DEEP, I knew no one had to pinch me anymore...THIS SHIZNIT WAS REAL! I was getting FAN mail and virtual FAN art! This is the validation every author needs to remind them...someone (Sapphire Star Publishing, in my case) didn't just give you a shot...they believed in you because what you do is WORTHY of being in print. They knew that your characters would grab ahold of readers' hearts and give it a good shake before letting it go. Someone knew the market well enough to let your words make a statement for the world to read!

I am in awe of the response IN TOO DEEP has received!

Just going over the reviews on Goodreads gives me chills...and yes, I will admit, I read those couple reviews every day! EVERY day because it is an amazing feeling to have people you have never met connect with people you have created in a way that leaves them teary-eyed and speechless. There is no feeling like this!

So, with ONE DAY left to go...

I have to say, I am honored to bring you the life of Gracie Jordan. I am anticipating your reactions to Noah Foster. And I am squealing with excited to introduce the amazing Jake Rockwell to all the BOOK BOYFRIEND FREAKS out there... and I say FREAKS with respect, because I am one of you!

Now here are all the deets you need to take this awesome IN TOO DEEP trip right along with me:

OFFICIAL RELEASE DAY June 6th! TOMORROW!

Available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle and also available on BarnesandNoble.com in paperback and Nook.

Tomorrow I hope you will join me at my VIRTUAL RELEASE PARTY on Facebook from 9am-12pm! Come with virtual food and drink. Ask me questions, tell me what you think of the book so far, NO SPOILERS PLEASE. And I can't promise anything but there's a slight chance Gracie, Noah and Jake may show up for a short time.

Saturday I will be doing a book signing at AROMA'S COFFEE and BAGELS in Elverson, PA from 9am - 12pm. I will have those NINE boxes of books on hand for you to grab or bring one you've already received! Hope I will see you there!

The week of June 13-17 is my VIRTUAL BOOK/BLOG TOUR thanks to Xpresso Book Tours. I will be bouncing around to FORTY-NINE different blogs that week. Crazy!

I am also looking forward to a couple college visits next school year. I have been invited by two universities to come speak to their SIGMA KAPPA Chapters (my sorority) and do a program on emotional abuse and its red flags! I will also be selling books and signing them at these events as well!

I am living a dream!
OK I lied....you're still going to have to pinch me...I don't think I will ever get used to this.

But I do have to say, Gracie (who is real in my heart) DOES deserve all this hooplah for all she has survived! Thank you for giving her props!

Peace out, Romance Peeps!
(And for the 1,000,000th time - thank you to my favorite band, Pearl Jam for inspiring this book!)
You can read more about that HERE!

The paragraph that started it all...

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The strong force of the wave pulled me under.  I gasped for air just before my facedisappeared below the surface. My body rolled over and over, my arms flailed, and my head pounded into the sea bed which felt like a concrete floor. The salty water stung my eyes. I forced myself to keep them open, fearing I would slip into unconsciousness from the blow I took to the head. I knew I had to hold it together long enough for the swell to pull me back up when the wave rolled. But something was pulling me deeper. I fought with all my might, kicking against the thick water swallowing me whole. I used my arms like underwater oars and sliced through the depths trying to reach what I needed most, but I was in too deep.

**

In a little over two weeks my world will change and it all started with the paragraph above. On June 6th my debut romance novel, IN TOO DEEP will be available both in ebook formats as well as paperback. In essence, the quiet ramblings of my heart and soul will be flashed across Kindles and Nooks and iPhones of people I will never know. It's not like I didn't know this was part of the gig...it's just completely surreal!

The italicized paragraph above came to me, pardon the pun, like a flood. Truly!

On a particularly difficult day, when something triggered memories and the residual pain of an abusive relationship I had in college, I climbed onto my bed shaking and drenched with tears. Of course, I self-medicated but not how you might think...music. Music is my cure all and the louder the better. I blasted my favorite album and trusted stand by for the last 20 years - Pearl Jam Ten.

I was particularly entranced with the song DEEP that day and I heard it in a way I hadn't before. I couldn't count the number of times I'd listened to Pearl Jam sing about some people being "in too deep" but until that moment, I'd only sung the words at face value. This time my soul sang with my heart and it was at that moment I realized I was IN TOO DEEP. So, going on sheer inspiration from the chorus...."in too deep, can't touch the bottom," A description began to form in my mind of what it would be like to drown. It was not an intentional thing... it literally just flooded my brain. I ran to the closest piece of paper and started writing.

And the first paragraph of IN TOO DEEP was born. I continued writing it but at the time had no intention of sharing the fictional characters with anyone else.

In 17 days Gracie, Noah and Jake will come to life.

THAT, is completely surreal!

Gracie's take on EMOTIONAL abuse...

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Hi.
Many of you will read my story over the next year and my biggest wish is that it shines a light on emotional abuse so you can see it for what it is. Whether you have lived my situation or not, I want you to "get it."

What I went through with Noah started off beautiful. I was floored that someone as hot and dangerous as Noah would even give me, mousy little innocent me, a second glance. And then he fell in love with me. Unbelievable. I loved the tough guy thing. He wasn't afraid to fight. He made me feel safe. I trusted him with my heart and my body. He had  me under his spell.

They say hindsight is 20/20. Little by little, and in a very stealth manner, Noah convinced me that I was nothing without him. It wasn't in what he said but through what he 'taught' me about how a relationship works. And, unless you have been in my situation, you can not begin to understand how subliminal those messages to my brain were. Abusers aren't stupid, they know exactly what they are doing.

The official definition of emotional abuse is this:

 Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance,” “teaching,” or “advice,” the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting than physical ones (Engel, 1992, p. 10).

I have found that the people who assume I was weak and/or enjoyed 'playing the victim' have little to no experience with rock bottom self-esteem and that is AWESOME because it means they don't know the pain and sense of loss I do. I am thrilled for them but I plead with them not to make judgements about something they don't know first hand.

I was so naiive when I met Noah. I had only had one boyfriend before him and we never fought which led me to believe he wasn't passionate about our relationship. The control Noah had over me was disguised as passion. Many of us who consider ourselves strong individuals fall for men like Noah and many times we find ourselves IN TOO DEEP.

Being a victim of emotional abuse does NOT equal weakness but being a survivor DOES equal strength.

So, be careful who you call weak...in the end we proved our strength by surviving.

My hope is that those of you who feel like you are walking in my path will learn from my mistakes and get out before he swallows you whole. You CAN survive but you have to shake yourself free from the thoughts he's put in your head of what you are worth...

BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH THE KIND OF LOVE HE CAN NEVER GIVE YOU!

"Falling down is part of life, getting back up is living."
I want you be a survivor.

Love,
Gracie <3 p="">

 

Sneak Peek of IN TOO DEEP!!

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I have been head first in my content edits for IN TOO DEEP and barely come up to breathe during the day. Seriously, the last of my kids get on the bus at 8:30 and that's typically when I've been plopping down in front of my lap top. The other day I got up two times to pee and that was it until 4:00.

 

 

I have to say, this is an awesome experience! Even better than I imagined over the last seven years of trying to break into this business. I am really hoping the gals at Sapphire Star Publishing will keep me around because I am in Heaven!

 

 

So, my belly is full of breakfast, I have showered (which usually takes a back seat to Gracie and Noah) and I have been listening to music since before I left my bed this morning. So, it's time to get to work. I love my commute. :) But since it has been more than a couple days since I last posted, I thought I would give you a SNEAK PEEK to hold you over while I am busy today fishing more of this story from my brain.

 

 

~*~

Pulled from the middle of...IN TOO DEEP

The water lapped up further onto my legs and the strong undertow pulled me toward the waves. I knew if I gave up now I would be swallowed by a wave that would roll me more violently than the first. I couldn’t let the ocean take me. I dug my fingers into the sand and pulled against the current. I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to make it but I wasn’t going to die without trying my hardest to pull myself away from the depths that had a hold on me before. I reached out for the one thing I knew could save me at that moment…

            “Gracie. Are you okay?  Please, say something!” Jake’s voice was sleepy and panicked. I knew he would see my number on his phone just in case I couldn’t speak. My mouth was trying to hold in the sobs while my brain formed the words.

            “I…I…” I couldn’t. I didn’t even know where to start. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to admit to being so stupid and thinking that ringing in this special birthday with Noah would be anything but painful.

            “You’re scaring me. Please just say something. Tell me what’s wrong.”

            I spent the next hour vomiting all of the night’s hell to Jake. Most of the time he was the quiet listener, but I could hear the vile anger in his voice when he did speak. Jake’s anger didn’t scare me like Noah’s did. I wasn’t afraid of losing Jake, I knew I couldn’t. There was nothing I could do that would cause him to walk away. Having someone like that in my life was the only thing holding me together.

            “I am so sorry, baby girl. I wish I was there to hold you so you could get some sleep.”

            “Me, too.” That’s when I realized this was what he meant when he said he would take me however he could have me. He told me he was in love with me, and now I was once again detailing the further breaking of my heart by his former roommate. He was putting his own heart second because I was sure it was killing him to hear all the details of my night if he truly did love me. He was putting me first. He would be my friend first, even if I couldn’t love him back. I had no words for the kind of selflessness I didn’t know existed before Jake.

            When I realized how my pain over Noah must be hurting him, I decided to stop. I needed to turn it off and make sure he was okay before we hung up. I shouldn’t have called him. Now my heart was breaking for the two most important guys in my life. One because he hurt me and one because I may be hurting him. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Sleep. I just needed to sleep.

            “Are you sure you’re okay? I can stay on the phone with you as long as you need me to.”

            “No, Jake. You’ve already done so much. I can’t thank you enough for what you do for my heart.”

            “I love you. You’re my best friend. I am always here for you. You know that.”

            “I know. Thank you.”

            “No thanks necessary. That’s what friends do.” He was assuring me that his ‘I love you’ was intended to be friendly and not guilt inducing. How could I tell him how much I loved him without having to qualify it as ‘just as friends?’

            “I love our friendship, Jake, I don’t know what I would do without you.”

            “Well, the feeling is mutual.”

            I wasn’t sure how I landed such a beautiful friend. But his unconditional friendship was stunning. I wasn’t sure if I could ever reciprocate what he gave me but I would die trying if he ever needed me the way I needed him. But he’d never be as stupid as I had been.

            “Go to sleep, sweet girl. You need to get some rest.”

            “Goodnight, Jake.”

            “Goodnight.”

~*~

SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!! I can't wait for you to know what comes before AND after this scene!

 

Red Jumpsuit Apparatus... WAIT!

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As you all know - I am a FREAK when it comes music but even more of a FREAK when it comes to lead singers. It's no secret.

There's no need to warn my husband, he knows. He expects me to zone out once we get to concerts and live shows...he also knows he's my FAVORITE guy on the planet so there's no jealousy involved.

Weeeelllll, there is this one band...he gets a little angsty about. But that's because I smooched the lead singer in a private backstage moment at the end of one of their shows (I was in college). Yeah, he gets a little hung up on that one. So, I won't mention WHAT band that was...could start a riot.

ANYWAY, I digress...

Because I am always listening to music and finding new bands, I can't figure out how I have missed RED JUMPSUIT APPARATUS for all this time? They are totally my kind of band!

One of my awesome Twitter friends who happens to also be an amazing book blogger shared a song with me that she thought could be the TITLE SONG on a SOUNDTRACK should IN TOO DEEP ever be made into a movie. (breathe, breathe)

I wanted to share that song with you because she couldn't have hit closer to the bullseye on this one.
@BooksOverBoys introduced me to RED JUMPSUIT APPARATUS and their song FACEDOWN. I am floored. I can picture Jake standing toe-to-toe with Noah, saying,

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?

Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?

 

 

I can also picture Jake holding Gracie by the shoulders as she cries, saying,

 

 

Hey, girl, you know you drive me crazy
one look puts the rhythm in my hand.
Still I'll never understand why you hang around
I see what's going down.

 

WOW! Just WOW!



So, on that note (ha ha, you like that pun? *insert dorky grin here*) I wanted to share these guys and their amazing song with you.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so thrilled to introduce you to RED JUMPSUIT APPARATUS singing FACEDOWN! (You probably already know them, but don't tell me...let me keep thinking I introduced them to you :D)

Enjoy!
(and if you have any songs you think would be perfect if IN TOO DEEP would ever be on the big screen, let me know and I will feature your choice, too)